I don’t know if Finals Week is the worst week of the season, but it’s close. The Zags historically play like crispy burnt butthole right after taking their finals, and to remedy that for this season, they scheduled the very much un-good University of Northern Colorado Fighting Bears. Seeing as my sister went to school at UNC, I feel I’m more than qualified to tell you everything there is to know about it, in note form, natch:
-If you think of snow-capped mountain peaks when you think of Colorado, you’re half right, because in actuallity, only about half of the state is in the mountains. The other half looks like Greeley, which is to say, it’s crappy. Greeley used to smell like cow manure, which is the exact opposite quality you want in a town. There is a Taco John’s, however, which is exactly the quality you want in a town. Apparently, they cleaned up the stockyards, because it smells only slightly like cow manure now. Which is good, especially when you’re eating tacos.
-Greeley is also home to something called the Greeley Stampede. It’s half country music festival, half super rodeo. A Woodstock for Republicans.
-Apparently, some guy known as “The Father of Radical Islam” went to UNC. Speaking of Woodstock for Republicans! (Tom Tancredo also graduated from UNC…not sure if there’s a coincidence or not. Oh, I kid, I kid.)
-I got a letter when I was in high school inviting me to apply to UNC. “Sign this letter, return it back to us, and consider yourself applied,” it said.
-Their dance team is known as the Sugar Bears. Now, that’s funny, I don’t care who you are.
-When told that UNC would be playing Gonzaga at the Kennel a few years ago, Sister of La Rev could not control her own laughter.
-As for UNC and their sports program, they used to do quite well in Division II, even winning a few national football championships. Then they moved up to D-I. Now, they all suck. Well, maybe not all of them. Their cheerleaders might be good (Cousin of La Rev might also be a UNC cheerleader…also, not sure if there’s a coincidence), but the rest of them have trouble in the hugely great Big Sky Conference. Actually, I have no idea how much of that is true…pretty much, I made it up. But their football team sucks now, I do know that.
That’s all I’ve got. I know some funny things about the hoops team as well, but if I use up all my info now, this Finals Week will be rather dusty.